how you know you’ve gotten too used to egypt air/air arabia/middle east airlines

  1. You feel entitled to bringing as many liquids in as large of bottles as you want and you truly believe that no one has the right to tell you otherwise.
  2. Anyone who has a mild condition or even just a headache is enough warning for you to start screaming your ass off to see if there’s a doctor on the plane, and then you translate for the arabic speakers, asking if there’s a “hakim”, and then when everyone that you expected to be hollering with you is looking at you like you’re a crazy Ay-rab, you sit your crazy Ay-rab ass down and silently judge them all for not being compassionate enough.
  3. As soon as it feels like the plane has landed – or your Spider Arab senses that the pilot is thinking about landing go off, you jump up and hustle to get your overhead luggage – bows out and everything. And then when you look around and the Germans are all hands-on-armrests-and-seatbelts-buckled, your crazy Ay-rab ass sits down and silently judges them for not being as forward thinking as you.
  4. When passing through security, every other word in German sounds like a racial slur so you automatically just meanmug everyone you see.
  5. Water fountains? in the airport? I’m not gonna fall for that one, Germans. Egypt taught me to keep my typhoid to myself.
  6. 3 euros for a water bottle? That’s like 21 guinea! I’ll give you 2 guinea, akhir kalam.
  7. WHY DOES ON ONE CARE ABOUT ANYONE ELSE? MY PROBLEMS ARE YOUR PROBLEMS TOO!!!
  8. It’s a strange shot to your precious Arab girl ego that the security guards are actually looking at your bags – and not making comments that somehow relate the size of your ass to how God is great.
  9. Staring at babies and patting their heads while waiting in line is all of a sudden really creepy.
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